Tuesday, May 30, 2006

i'm soooo bored that i pat my hamsters to sleep and even crack open sunflower seeds for them.

but realized i've wonderful people around me.

charlie has agreed to stay for a night here next week after his exams!
gonna hit the GSS together >=]
linus has been thinking of ways to cheer me up and offers to treat me dinner tomorrow.
benedict said dinner would be on him some time this week or next.
and jiangyang!
haha.
knowing that i'm bored to tears, he said he'll accompany me next week and doesnt mind me calling him to take rubbish.
thats his forte anyway
hahaha.

thanks peeps ;)

take me with you
12:40 AM

Monday, May 29, 2006

Days have passed
And still no sign of us
Not a hint of what used to be
When you lived in that part of me
This blinding silence
Lives in every room
Of what once was a happy home
Now we're sitting here all alone

Could this be that it was all a lie
And we're just afraid to say goodbye?

Am I the only one
Who sees what we've become?
I see no sense in going on
Or asking what went wrong
We sit and stare at what could be
We both just grew apart, you see
And through no fault of our own
It's our house but not a home

It's strange to know
There's truth in what I say
Baby, I know you feel the same
And the truth is no one's to blame
Two lonely dreamers
Playing by the rules
All we thought of was me and you
Now we're faced with the simple truth

I'd love to say that this is all a lie
But that just means I'm scared to say goodbye

Days have passed
And still no sign of us
Not a hint of what used to be
When you lived in that part of me

my head hurts.
no idea whats with the frequent headaches and breaking out in cold sweat.
it feels terrible.
someone chop off my head please.

3years ago, i was ignored for 3weeks by someone whom i loved deeply.
till now, the feelings of helpless-ness and desperate-ness are painfully raw.
it's like a permanent nightmare, here to stay.

i'm agony aunt almost everyday.
yet i cant even handle my own problems.
people are asking me why shit happen to them.
honestly, i wish i knew.
cuz i cant even provide any answers to my own.
this feeling sucks.

save me.

take me with you
8:01 PM

Sunday, May 28, 2006

i'm exhausted.

met up with Adam this afternoon.
we went to changi broadwalk or whatever it is called after lunch.
the weather was unbearable and he chose to walk along those ulu areas.

reminisced the past.
he was my ogl back in j1 for first 3 months.
and he was saying he hopes we'd still be close as before.
and i was wondering, since when were we even close?!
haha.
he asked questions which shouldnt be asked.
and i know, i hurt him yesterday by being so frank.
but i couldnt stop thinking of you.
wishing you were there with me instead of him.

went fishing in the evening with linus and his friend who sent us to bedok jetty.
cant remember the friend's name lah.
but he's going to Cornell University in the States this year.
smart lad.
and he wasn't a tad arrogant.
kinda charming.
linus and he were so freaked out by cockles that we'd used earlier as baits.
so for dinner, i dared him to finish a basket of boiled cockles.
and he was so on lah.
haha.
ok, maybe i'm sadistic.
he was kind enough to give me a ride to tm after that.
it was a scary ride though because he kept getting honked.

caught poseidon thereafter
nice.
after titantic and poseidon,
im fairly sure i would never go on a cruise this lifetime.
-_-

desmond has been really nice.
and so is ferroz.
for cheering me up.
to think that i used to dislike talking to desmond few years back.
haa.
anyhow, thanks for being there dude.

i am still excited for qingrui and the girl he's dating now.
no im definitely not jealous because he's able to date someone he really likes.
in the past i would have wondered why my life's so screwed and unfair.
but everyone deserves their own desired happiness.
i've had it before.
so i guess i should be contented even though it's over.
sadness is inevitable.
and i cant keep telling myself tomorrow would be a better day when it's still another day without you.

it's hard when you've to swallow those damn tears.
there're many people out on the streets,
but all i could see are the vivid images of yours.
this sounds silly.
but it hurts to see all the past tense you're using on us.
sigh.

take me with you
11:31 AM

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Now a time has come, everything is no longer true,
And now I see forever, will not consist of you and I,
Never will I forget, those times in which we shared,
Never will I forget my joy, the day I learned tbat you cared,
I wish you the best of luck, in all you try and do,
I wish you the best of luck, in finding someone new,
Now that you've to go, kiss me goodbye.
And in my heart I know, that you are someone I will forever miss.

i feel so incomplete without you.

take me with you
10:39 AM

Thursday, May 25, 2006

you asked me out.
and now you're testing me on what you've said about where we're going and when we're going.
hello, i'm not going for exams!
and its not as if i asked you out.
truth is, i dont even feel like going!
and yes, i wont!
/evil laughs.

it was a beautiful mistake.
no matter how much i try to control myself,
i know i've failed.
again and again, i fall for the wrong person.
for someone who doesnt feel the same way as i do.
perhaps you dont feel the same way as you did anymore.
then again, how did you feel back then?
how would things work out when nothing is done.
things dont happen miraculously.
you'll never be the one i'll go to when i'm down.
cuz i wouldnt want to put you through any negative emotions.
then again, you were never there when i needed someone.
and you wouldnt be there.
do you even think of me?
was there even a start?
i'm puzzled.
by you.
guess leaving is the only way out.
oh, how i'll miss you.

take me with you
9:34 PM

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

so what if its been quite some time since i've wanted someone this much?
and its precisely because i care.
that i dont want to be a burden.
i'm an enigma.
and it spells trouble.
i'll only put you in uncalled for situations.
i wanna hurt nobody.
certainly not you.
the way i'm feeling about how much you mean to me may scare you.
i may have compared you with others verbally.
but i want you to know, i honestly dont give a freaking them about how good they are.

i'll only end up hurting people whom i care.
i dont want it to happen this time round.

take me with you
11:28 PM

was supposed to meet adam now.
but my headache was unbearable earlier on.
so sorry.
anyway the wait has been on since nov last year.
a week more wouldnt kill.
haha.
but the ironic thing is, i'm watching x-men III with Linus later.
x)

they talk to me more than you do.
they care for me more than you do.
everything's way too weird.

i havent been drinking since the day i got drunk cuz of you.
i couldnt figure out why you lied.
the thought itself was killing me ever so softly.
and now,
please dont ask why i just started drinking again.
just take it that my house has so many bottles of liquor that it would be a waste just leaving them untouched.
what i forgot was, i took some medications before that.
no worries, i've no intentions of ending my life.
it honestly just slipped off my mind.
and no, i'm certainly not an alcoholic.
neither am i suffering from depression.
i wont!
not again.

am feeling nostalgic.
i miss going to school.
all the moments we've had.
the times when we were mugging like crazy.
every single thing.
with you people.

take me with you
6:10 PM

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

caught the da vinci code earlier with the usual gang.
they said i was yawning all the way.
haha.
sorry lah, wasnt really able to comprehend what was going on.
over the hedge's nicer.
hahaha.

honestly i've zero idea how to comfort someone when the person's depressed.
no, not about their failed relationships but about life.
about how screwed and meaningless life is.
unhinged they may be.
but it hurts to see people like that.
i'm not saying that my life's flawless.
i'm certainly not an optimist.
i just have lots of things i wanna do lah.
and of course, i wouldnt wanna hurt people who care.

wanted to start looking for jobs this week.
haha but too many activities already.
i dont even have the mood to work anymore.

desmond is certainly a pain in the ass.
who says i'll go crazy over him one day.
carry on dreaming my dear.

havent heard from you since that day.
its like you've vanished from my life.
why.

i realise i'm not expecting anything from you.
is this good or bad.
i've no idea why i'm always feeling unsettled.
everything seems bleaked.

take me with you
10:25 PM

Monday, May 22, 2006

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
i saw him on the train just now!

hot lah! x)

but even he cant replace you.

Your Love Life Secrets Are
Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.
Although you may have been hurt before, you tend to bring very little scars into new relationships.
You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back.
In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.
Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your'>http://www.blogthings.com/yourlovelifesecretsrevealedquiz/">Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

take me with you
11:04 PM

okay so i admit i was partially at fault that things turned out that way this afternoon.
but hey, it wasnt my fault that jasmine called at that time right.
and whats wrong with watching it some other day?
honestly i'd rather watch it with angela they all or socks they all.
and you tell me you arent mad just dont know what to say.
okay i know you're disappointed.
but you made it seem as though i'd just cheated on you.
and when i said i didnt wanna watch da vinci code with you the other day, you said: didnt know you're like this. i'm so disappointed in you.
it was a trivial matter but you made it seem as though i lied to you or something.
and you tell me, dont work lah.
who gave you the right to decide for me?

Linus's so good lah.
cancelled his appointment with his friend because i was like so bored outside.
and he thinks you're an ass.
he wonders why i bother entertaining you.
why i bother putting up with your nonsense.
now, i wonder why myself too.
i apologised and said i'd make it up for you another day.
and what did you say?
anything.
and you didnt bother talking to me for 2 hours as though your mouth was glued.
dont coerce me to use elephant glue on you one day.

on a lighter note,
i'm so excited for qingrui lah.
=)
hope he succeeds
felt a tad helpless just now.
for both linus and adebao.
its just not fair.
hopefully things would turn out okay eventually.
i seriously have no idea how to help them.
but pray.

was on the line with desmond just now.
an irritating brat he is.
haa.
all i wanted was to put an arm on his shoulder.
and tell him that everything's gonna be alright, hoping it's true.
he claimed that it was the flu bug, whatever.
admittedly, i nearly broke down.
really hope that life would be easier for him in future.
reminds me of how fortunate i am once again.

you're special (:

take me with you
10:32 PM

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock ticks,
and think of you.
Caught up in circles,
confusion is nothing new.
Flash back, warm night,
almost left behind.
Suitcase of memories.....
Time after --

Sometime you pictured me,
I'm walking too far ahead.
You're callin' to me,
I can't hear what you've said.
You said, "Go slow, I fall behind "
The second hand unwinds.....

If you're lost, you can look
and you will find me,
Time after time.
If you fall I will catch you,
I'll be waiting,
Time after time.

If you're lost, you can look
and you will find me,
Time after time.
If you fall I will catch you,
I'll be waiting,
Time after time.

I turn, my picture fades, and darkness has turned to grey.
Watching through windows,
you're wondering if I'm okay.
Secrets, stolen, from deep inside.
The drum beats out of time.....

If you're lost, you can look
and you will find me,
Time after time.
If you fall I will catch you,
I'll be waiting,
Time after time.

You said, "Go slow, I fall behind "
The second hand unwinds.....

If you're lost, you can look
and you will find me,
Time after time.
If you fall
I will catch you,
I'll be waiting,
Time after time.

take me with you
9:19 AM

Saturday, May 20, 2006

17 things that make him sizzle! got it somewhere.

1. His sweet, caring side when he's playing with his pets or picking up strays.
2. Hot bod.
3. Musicians-drummers, guitarists, singers. There's just something about musicians that makes us go weak in the knees. (haha i agree)
4. Bad boys. Breaking the rules just for you-who can resist that?
5. Mysterious guys-you never know what you'll get, and it just keeps you wanting to know more.
6. Holding your hand while crossing the toad, or gently tugging you to make sure you're safe from traffic-its the little things. (definitely)
7. We love a man who loves his food, especially when he's not afraid to get into the kitchen and whip some up for us.
8. the 3 Cs-charm, confidence, charisma. (duh)
9. The out-of-bed, i-just-cant-be-bothered look. (no comments haha)
10. There's something manly and irresistible about sideburns.
11. That twinkle in his eye; that conspiratorial smile. It's sexy when he always has something mischievous and unexpected up his sleeve.
12. Their silly, goofy antics that never fail to crack you up.
13. Sharp wot and intelligence sure turns up the heat.
14. Absent-minded moments when he is completely lost in his own world.
15. Sweeping you off your feet with that passionate lip-lock.
16. Prominent veins along his forearm (i'm totally for this! hahaha)
17. Those piercing eyes that stare right into you ( /waves white flags. scary lah)

take me with you
8:31 PM

i'm confused.
about every damn thing.
sometimes i just feel like isolating myself.
from everyone, everything.

take me with you
10:11 AM

Friday, May 19, 2006

please lah.
even if you love me, or so you claim, you dont have to write my full name as your msn nick right.
it's unnecessary and embarrassing.
ocp was like that.
now it's you.
please stop it.

was supposed to meet Hansel on monday.
but sorry, i dont think it's possible now.
it's not that i dont want to watch with you.
i just dont want to be the third party.
right now you should be thinking of ways to salvage your relationship with your gf
and not fretting over whether i like you and whether i thought of you when i was in taiwan.
i had a crush on you.
so?
that was like a year ago.
i've never believed in rekindle feelings.
if you think that you've forgotten someone but fall for him/her again after some time,
it's because you've never completely gotten over that person.
you may think that you've sorted your feelings and are done with it.
chances are, deep down in your heart, that person still carries a significant place.

so anyhow, i'm sorry.
you know it's because of what you've said earlier on.
so why press on?
it's not right for me to meet you more than your gf meets you.
liking me would only bring you misery.
back off before it's too late.

hey baozi.
you may not want to reveal every single details.
but whatever it is, you know i'll be there for you.
i'm just a call away.
2 blocks away.
cheer up, girl.

i feel horrid.

take me with you
9:51 PM

i'm back!
HAHA.

ok i miss my babies.
i'm exhausted la.
photos would be up soon.
i'm lazy x)

gavin's like so nice.
haiyah.

you know.
sometimes i just dont have the strength to pursue.
whats the point?
it always leads to heartaches.
shutting people away has been a norm to me.
i've been wondering.
just why did you do what you did.
i know it no longer matters.
just like that.
you're gone.

and now.
i dont wanna be immersed.
but i want you at the same time.
someone shoot me please.

take me with you
1:23 AM

Thursday, May 11, 2006

i'm leaving for taiwan tomorrow.
should anything happen, you know i love you people
(:

and leonard, thanks for babysitting hamzilla.
should anything happen, please take care of them for me.
dont let Dino go near them ok.
hahaha.

had a long talk with hansel last night.
about how he actually got to know me.
how he felt when we dated.
it was kinda hilarious thinking about it now.
i've never deemed myself as a good girlfriend.
never was.
anyhow, its a happy ending now.
we're just good friends and he's happy with his gf.

it was sweet.
i dont know about you.
but it meant alot to me.
future?
i dont know.
but currently, you're all that i've ever wanted.
should anything happen, remember you do mean something.
to me.

aiyo.
choy lah!
nothing will happen.
will be back in one piece with tubs of wobbly lipids beneath me.
hahah.

cya guys.

happy 21st birthday Lionel!
sorry i couldnt make it.
your jellybeans are still with me!
haha.

take me with you
11:46 PM

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

to hell with the imbecile who has stolen Linus's wallet and cell phone.
on his birthday?!
why must this happen.
shucks.

choon yeah wants to call me from malaysia for a chat!
has his screw loosen?
haha.
not as if he's richy rich.

sorry ar colin!
if you happen to be reading this.
i know i messed up alot of things today and without your help i would still be struggling with everything.
ok you know i wouldnt give a damn about it.
HAHA
but still, thanks a million!
its deeply appreciated.
unlike anthony lim.
haha.

series of random and incoherent thoughts.
when i dont say it, its not because i dont feel anything.
but its because saying makes me sink in deeper.
and i know it.
the image of you has beem embedded in my mind ever since.
but we dont always get the things we desire.
and i'm resigned to this cruel fact.

the feeling's overwhelming.

kiss me goodbye.

take me with you
9:08 AM

Sunday, May 07, 2006

ice skating with tom, leonard and his friends.
thanks ar!
for helping me to carry my bag and tying my skates laces.
haha.
was a pity they'd to close the rim at 6+.
anyway, headed to chomp chomp with tom and leonard.
met jackson and edwin.
jackson's the ultimate joker la.
heh.
ok the food aint that fantastic.
its unjustifiably expensive.
and the attitude of that carrot cake store person stinks.
the stall is beside the charkueytiow store.
lets boycott it.
muhahaha.

"why you seldom talk to me"
"why so long never contact me"
"why never message me online"
grrrr.
stop asking me those brainless questions for gods sake.

seriously i've no idea whats up with me or people around me.
why is it that people often assume who i am before knowing the real me?
they get real shocked when i dont speak gently and stuff.
after knowing the real me,
they say stuff like, "i thought you would be a blah blah blah girl"
i may not show it.
but it pisses the shit outta me.
if you wanna assume, thats your bloody problem.
i'm who i'm.

some people just enjoy making my life bitchy, dont they.

i know you wanna see me.
i know you wanna talk to me.
i know you wanna continue the memories we've created.
i know you still love me.
but dont you ever get it?
knowing doesnt mean i'd reciprocate everything!
i just feel so tied down by you.
why cant you just set me free!
its been more than a yr.
when are you letting me go?!
after reading this, you'll start apologising and saying stuff like you wont bother me again.
but then all the hogwash would start again.
its a vicious cycle you've been creating for the past few months.
dont you ever see it?
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Some people just come through our lives to bring us something, a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn and whats why they're here.
they dont need to stay longer than that.
after they've given you the gift, they're free to move on as a special soul.
and you'll have that gift forever.

happy 22nd birthday Linus.
all i can provide is a listening ear.
a shoulder to cry on.
a hand to guide you through your darkest moments.
i'm sorry.
you havent done anything wrong.
you neednt be the most responsible person.
but you certainly dont deserve the present life you're leading now.

A woman never runs away
A woman never hides away
In order to survive
You should not want to be healed without fighting

A woman never shows her fears
A woman never shows her tears
In order to survive
You should not easily show your tears to someone

A woman could be dangerous
A woman could be generous
In order to survive
We cannot always be so good girls

A woman could be having fun
A woman could be like a nun
In order to survive
We cannot be kind to others before we know pain

take me with you
11:13 AM

Saturday, May 06, 2006

If You Forget Me

I want you to know one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon,
at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
a s if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly you forget me do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners that passes through my life,
and you decide to leave me
at the shore of the heart where I have roots,
remember that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land.

But if each day, each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love,
ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live
it will be in your arms without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda

take me with you
11:04 AM

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

"Because Of You"

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

take me with you
9:24 PM

Monday, May 01, 2006

my princess came yesterday!
haha.
such a sweetie.
but she's gone home
):

anyway today's labour day and i'd to drag myself up in the wee hours this morning.
8am!
to make up for it, anthony treated us to lunch and ice cream.
HAHA.
ok the infuriating part was when i always got "shot".
verbally, that is.
the things that they said made me totally speechless man.
serious.
have never felt so defeated before.
haha.

went to meet angela, yf, and pl for dinner at sakura.
pl's treat!
haha.
because she just got her pay.
the moment our bums touched the chair, we started yakking away.
oblivious of the loud noises we were creatong and how unglam we were.
haha.
only when pl sorta bang-ed the table did we start ordering.
pl even said to angela. "you havent talked for a long tine is it?"
HAHAHA.

tiring day but fun =]

take me with you
9:44 PM